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Thursday, November 3, 2016

Happiness is a Decision

Now my dear reader I just want to chat with you. This it will be one of my new great article made in an informal way. I feel like that and I know you will understand me, also because at the end what matters is that I want to tell you something  of very special. Substance over form! So let's start.

You know when there are those conflicts with people that make you feel bad, for example with relatives, but also it could possibly be with anyone; when you have those thoughts like: “my mom didn’t give me enough affection”, or “my father wasn’t enough present in my life”, or “that 
person betrayed my trust”. Yes some thoughts just like that. I think it has happened to you my dear reader to feel something like that or something similar. I am sure. And I am sure that you have suffered for that.

So the very important thing that I want to tell you my dear reader, is that sometimes you should try to accept the present how it is. You don’t have to spend many hours asking yourself: “why my Mom did that to me, why my Dad did that to me, why the other person did that to me. Why they don’t understand that with this behave they make me suffer, why why why why".
So exactly in this case, my dear reader, you should stop asking yourself why they did or why they do. Simply you must accept the reality. Your past it was like that, your present it is now, your future you can build how you want, I didn't say just future, I said your future, because it is not the future of others. In fact you should stop thinking that things change and people change mandatorily.
You say:"I would like that person change their behave with me". I say: "Stop with this obsession, and I insure you that relation it would star to be better, doesn’t matter with whom it is, mother, father, partner, friend, because it will just begin being better".

Attention! This is doesn’t mean that you have to like your situation, maybe it is effectively how you feel, maybe it is really true that somebody behave bad with you, maybe it is true that somebody didn't love you in a proper way; but even if you are right you don't have to fossilize yourself and want a different past. Really, I know that everybody has thought of that, but I can tell you that wanting a different past it is totally crazy, for the simple reason that your past is your past. It just stay there, you can't remove so it is better don't think too much and just accept it.

Yes, acceptance, this is a great thing if you are able my dear reader. Accept that your mother didn’t give you too much affection, accept that your father was like that, accept that a person betraied your love, and your mood will be better.
Of course is not so easy and you can't just wake up one morning and say:"Ok I accept everything"! Because it would be also wrong. But it is necessary being aware of the fact that at the end you don't suffer just because somebody was bad with you; actually everything depends how you live this fact, how you metabolize that.

Of course as I said it is your right and you can tell them if you don't like something, or if some of their behaviors can hurt you, but after a certain point you should stop insisting; it doesn't mean giving up, it means that you are an intelligent person. Why? 
Because if you said already many times but they persevere, obviously it means that they can do and they can be only like this and so it is useless being upset about that. It is better to move on. 
You know what is the biggest problem for you? It is that you don't accept the fact that people whom you love they can't change as you would. This is the fact!
So you shouldn't be too much perfectionist with others and with yourself, you can be good simply how you are. You don't have to compare yourself with others, and you dont have to be like them. For what? You don't have to pretend being someonelse just because if you don't follow customs and traditions of your country, people would judge you. It is not your problem, really. Anyway is not a problem having a problem. This you must understand and feel. 

Of course is not something that you can do just now or tomorrow, you will need time, but it is necessary for you to start to move on the right direction. Why being fake? Then also people around you even if they like you but they don't like the real you, but just your immage, even if I know that nowadays in any type of social reation the immage is important, but try to make correspond it with your inner part also. 

Obviously is not good if you have problems and you feel bad, but first of all accept them, and then little by little you will be able resolve them. 
Be aware of the reality and about the fact that others not easily can change, but you can change yourself. 

And so now I arrive at the meaning of the title of this interesting article:"Happiness is a Decision". Yes it is, I have never thought about that but going on I am always more and more sure about that. It is also simply this concept. It is like that because you can't control really other people, but on the contrary you can control yourself, or at least in many cases you can do it. You can choose to see the reality or to see what you want to see. What is best for you? I am sure that you already know the right answer! 
Anyway for all of those reasons you have a possibility and you can choose to be happy. 

4 comments:

  1. When I started to read your article the first came into my mind – ‘It is very easy to hold anger or other negative feelings but difficult to live with them all your life. And it is difficult to forgive but very easy to live after.’ Just need to choose.
    Dear Luciano, it is amazing article! On these feelings as you know I was working for many years)) And I would love to say a lot of things but they are not necessary)
    I love that you say that person need time to accept. It’s really needs time but also the understanding that this situation/feelings is only at the present moment. I mean we feel today – one second ago – it goes into the past – now we are in the present where we decide – after in the future where we decide how/what we are going to feel/ how to live life – are you happy to hold certain feelings all life – do you really want to live with these feelings – if the answer ‘no’ then change/ read/ talk who had this feeling/ educate/ gain information how to get throw from certain feeling. As you write – don’t focus on that much, learn to let go.
    You are writing great - Saying about feelings to the others. It is very important to say what you feel and don’t like. Just need to understand how to say it in positive way (not I hate you do this I don’t like something; go deep in what you feel ‘ when you do this I feel… when you say this I feel.. and I would be happy to hear/see/feel from you..)blabla
    Some years ago, one superman :) with name Luciano, said to me about my feelings to my mother ‘You will never change her’. I still keep your advice for all these years and using that daily life. The people are who they are. We love people who they are. When we think want to change someone, maybe also that person want to change something in us. Sometimes we cannot explain something to other person. If they don’t understand you it is needed to let it go. There is no need to terrorize yourself and others. And it is important to understand that each person have it’s own expression and understanding of love. Now I always ask - What I learned from these situations and feelings? What it gives to me good that I can use/change my future/myself? And of course, I so much grateful that I met this person/felt these feelings/had this situation as it gave me new step/understanding/knowledge/grateful as who I became.
    What I love in you/happy and proudof you that you all the time remind people to live their life, to do what they want, to wake up in their life/wishes – keep our heart and sole. People will always talk around and it doesn’t matter what we are doing, so it is better to do what we love to do.
    Keep going in your writings/ conversations/ videos because even one your sentence may change someone’s life:*****

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    1. My dear Jelena,
      I really would like to tell you so many things, but as you say I think that we understand and feel each other so is not necessary))) Anyway something I want to tell you.
      When I saw your comment I felt incredibily happy, reading your words and feeling your energy. Actually I knew that I was talking of a topic that it was very close also to you and I am extremely glad to know that my suggestions are still useful for you because I feel that I have helped you to move on and to create your own beautiful life.
      You tell me "thank you" many times and that I am a "superman"!))) But I want to say thanks to you too, because it is for those amazing people like you, and there are not many, that I write, because you inspire me a lot. Of course everything start from me, I am the Sun, but a good Sun needs its planets where shine on!))) So this Sun feels very nice too)))
      You are right that it is not easy to keep going in what I am doing, because as you know I work simultaneously at many activities, but now my dear Jelena I want to tell you one important thing, I want to tell you that till even just one person in this World needs me, then lucianopacini.com will last forever. You can be sure I will never forsake you. I take advantage of your comment to say this, I promise, first of all to you my dear Jelena, and then to all of you, my dear readers...

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  2. Anonymous11:43

    Salute Luciano! So nice thoughts! Thank you for share! Its true, I feel it also, that I cant be happy if I try to change someone, or control everything around me. And its a really great pleasure, when you just let it and trust life stream, just let people be as they are, dont ofended by people behavior, but try to understand theyr motives. In general they behave not nice for us, becouse feel suffer. So better solution is to help them, not to react same way. But of course we must be in happy tonus for this))))) If people see time of time how life can be pleasant, and happyly when we let our trying to control and change everything, let our expectations of others, let our discontent and just, as you say accept everything as it is... I guess we have no wars and suffering etc on this planet

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    1. Thank you very much Katerina! I am really happy that you like my thoughts that I share here!)))
      I think that in this comment you show your high level of maturity. You are really right when you say that at the end it shoudn't be so difficult to have a better society. I would say that a problem why this it doesn't happen it is because people don't have or don't want to have a brain "influences free". So it happens that their reactions are often misplaced, obviously. People sometimes react automatically, and you know why? Obviously because their reactions are based from some bad influences, something from the past. And then also this craze to control others is wrong. It is their fault, but also their education's fault. It is their fault because there is always a chance for a changing, even if as I said in my beautiful article here, we should accept people how they are sometimes. And we just need to move on; but now I was thinking not individually, I was thinking economic and political level, globally. A lot of things should be changed!
      Anyway it would be easy just to be more optimistic in life and don't be scared of people. Yes because I think that often people behave bad to each other just because they are scared of each other, and so they feel they must react like some animals (how they are in this case actually).
      But I am happy that at least there are people like you Katerina that are different and that they can understand very important thoughts. Thank you again for your nice comment! Ciao!)))

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